Talk:X: Eclipse/@comment-27010092-20170816012344

Storyline - 8/10
Good for the most part. It just seems like some things were not described and not all things made perfect sense. For example, it doesn't really give too many hints as to why the animatronics go after Jeremy. Not even subtle ones as far as I can see. Other than that, it is good. It reminds me of TJOC:SM.

Characters - 9/10
They seemed to be a little bit simple, since they're just unwithered animatronics with bags under their eyes. In my opinion, they could have more accessories or features to make them more unique. They still seem interesting, though, and have more original "variant names"(like Nightmare, Toy, Withered, Phantom, etc.) which I can appreciate.

Descriptivness - 7/10
To start off, the storyline is given a good amount of detail, but seemingly not enough. As mentioned earlier, no subtle hints are given as to why the animatronics go after Jeremy.

There also should be more description for the animatronics. Saying, "He looks greatly resembles withered Freddy, but fixed and with bags beneath his eyes," is not enough. New fans of the series, for example, may be confused if they don't know about the withered animatronics yet. Even old fans may have forgotten some detail and draw a picture of the character differently. However, you can still reference him for those who do know. In other words, still describe them. Maybe instead, something like,

"Suicide Freddy is a brown-colored bear animatronic. He has a tan belly and muzzle, and his ears are also tan in the middle. He also has a black nose and two sunken two blue eyes with bags below them. He wears a black top hat and has a black bow-tie. He has two black buttons on his belly and holds a microphone with a black handle and gray speaker in his right hand. He greatly resembles Withered Freddy from Five Nights at Freddy's 2."

Good otherwise.

Originality - 9/10
Even though the Suicide animatronics were basically just the Withereds but fixed with bags under their eyes, it still was pretty original otherwise. The mechanics didn't bother me that much, as were running out of new ones.

Grammar/Spelling/Puncuation - 10/10
Bootiful, nuf sed

Overall Total - 8.6/10
Very good and well made overall. It had effort put into it and was fun to read. I recommend others try reading it, too.